i need a moment

Dark gray and sapphire water slaps the shore in a slow roll, in and out. The moonlight graces the waves with highlighted ink which reflects back the glittery shine of the ocean water on these late, lonely September evenings. Emily’s smile is soft and rare. Although in her nature she may be colorful and whimsical and bright, she enjoys the simplicity of being simple. She combs her fingers through her pin-straight black hair as she floats delightedly through every memory and every thought, sharing a giggle or two with herself as she relishes in her own company. Emily is fond of her solitude, until hours float by like minutes and it’s become too late to justify her absence to her partner Jamie, who is probably waiting on her back at home. She sighs.
Her eyes naturally close as she takes one last deep breath of the kind ocean air and she begins to gather herself. A moment passes. And another. It is easy for the woman to lose herself in a place like this where she can be totally alone. After what may have been seconds or minutes, a loud phone call interrupts the silence that was held for an irresponsibly long amount of time. She picks her phone out of the black canvas bag laying behind her, the screen illuminated with blue light that takes her eyes a moment to adjust, and sees the time behind the incoming call screen. Late. Jamie waits for her to answer.
“Hello?” Emily asks with a sort of guilty tone.
“Hey! I miss you, I got home two hours ago. Where are you?” Jamie asks, ever present concern in their voice.
“Sorry I…” Emily starts picking at the nail of her ring finger with her thumbnail of the same hand. “...lost track of time.”
“Is something going on with you?” They ask, with only a little impatience in their voice.
“No! No I…” Emily begins, she takes a deep breath in as quietly as she can, and balls her free hand up into a tight fist. She closes her eyes and breathes out slow and contained. “I’m good! I just wanted to catch up with the girls. We’re…at the beach. It is getting late though, I’m sorry. I’m about to come home.”
“Okay. How was work?” Jamie asks, seemingly out of necessity.
Emily should have processed her day at work by now. She should have been sitting here, thinking about all the things that happened today and metabolizing them like sugar. But instead, she intentionally drowned it out over the pleasantly loud sound of the ocean waves crashing against the wet sand. “It was normal,” she begins, “nothing unusual.” she ends, compulsively starting to itch her left leg, nails running up and down her skin in long, slow strokes.
“Well, that’s good I guess.” Jamie comments. A long silence is had over the static noise of the phone. Emily continues to itch, eyes darting around as she waits for the call to be over.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” They ask one more time.
Emily is colorful and whimsical and bright, and Jamie is just not made for the gravity behind the mirror of simplicity. She files herself down to a dull and characterless version of herself so that she may be digestible. For Jamie, who is kind and stable and gentle. A good partner for her, but their lack of color is not just a mirage for something more underneath, Jamie is just as they appear – safe and while well-intentioned, uninspiring. For her parents, who worked hard and lived frugally for decades to afford to relax now in their old age. For her employees, whose problems she must find a way to solve before five o’clock today. Even for passersby on the street that she may make subtle glances toward while walking home. It is safer and easier for her to just be the least opinionated, burdensome, emotional version of herself.
“Yes, I’m okay. Thank you for your concern, but really I’m fine. I’m about to walk home.” She says, standing up and dusting the sand off of the sides of her legs. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay. I love you!” Jamie chirps, with never a malicious word or tone.
Emily looks up at the moon, phone still to her ear in one hand, and the handles of her bag laced lazily over her fingers in the other. She closes her eyes and drifts away for just a quick moment. The longing for release is ever-present and she loves to let it linger, but never for too long. Her eyes open, and she returns back to her body. The ocean smiles at her one last time this night as she begins to turn her back to it and make her
way home. “I love you, too.” She replies.